"Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt".

Great comeback!!!!

Steve Waugh to Gibbs.

"You just dropped the World Cup"

Its funny cause its true. :-)

Mark Waugh to Jimmy Ormond on his Test debut, 2001: "Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England."
Ormond: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my own family."

Its not sport related - but its the best 'dis song' ive heard lately.

David Bowies song from the latest series of Extras:

"See his pug-nosed face...Pug, pug, pug, pug"

Check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=257qRKYDiWI

Whilst not sport related, in my line of work I've heard some crackers, usually from my crew, but the occasional bad guy pulls a good one out now and then. Some gold ones from memory are:

Crim: If I had a child like you (refer to my partner) I'd shot myself.

My crew: Yeah, and you are the load that your mother should of swallowed, whack!!!!

Even the crim laughed at that one.

Crim: F(*k your fat
My crew #1: F*( your ugly
Crim: You are the fattest pig I've seen
My crew #1: You are the ugliest piece of turd I've seen and I've seen ugly turds.
Crim: F*&k your fat
My crew #2: How bout your shut the F up, yeah, he's fat and your ugly, but at least he can lose the fat, your be ugly until the day you die..

The crowd at Vodafone arena quite liked mine just after Heal took over as coach (I'm not a fan) against Brisbane.

He went through a stage of jacking up a constant stream of 3's (which he does a lot) and missing (which he doesn't do so much).

Anyways......I got a laugh with.....

"You know, if the Coach wasn't such a dickhead, Heal, he'd drag you."

"The coach has been screwing your mum, Black!"

Someone in the crowd to Stephen Black while he was playing for the Wildcats.

A sporting favourite

Can't recalled the Zimbabwe player, but McGrath gave him a mouthful, something along the lines of:

"&*# your fat"

The Zimbabwians response was:

"Yeah, blame your wife, cause everytime I f*#@ed her he fed me a biscuit"

Apparently Heals, Tubby Taylor and Mark Waugh pissed themselves laughing from behind the wicket.

When I was in England a few years back playing local cricket one of my team mates said to an Englishman, who was bragging at the pub how good his batting was,"Mate Ive seen a better batter on a piece of fish!

Some local cricket gold:

After a batsman swung and missed a fielder yelled out "He is swinging like the toilet door on curry night"

Or after a batsmen plays and misses a few time I like the "Bowl him down a piano he might be able to play that"

TR - that was Eddo Brandes. Absolute classic.

lockstock- Classic! Have anymore cricket ones?

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Could this thread win the record for having the most swear words typed up in a topic on Hoops SA or for that matter, any other forums?

highly F'n likely! ;)

Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't
say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after
deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be
staring at me. In my culture we just bowl."

Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he
announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just
say f**k off."

and a little cleaner,

Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock:
After going past the outside edge with a couple of
deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round &
weighs about 5 ounces."

Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered
out of the ground.

Ponting to Pollock: "you know what it looks like,
go find it."

More please!!

Dennis Lillee to Mike Gatting, 1994: "Hell, Gatt, move out of the way. I can't see the stumps."

Tony Greig, England's South African-born captain, to the young David Hookes, 1977: "When are your balls going to drop, Sonny?"
Hookes: "I don't know, but at least I'm playing cricket for my own country." Hookes hit Greig for five consecutive fours.

Ravi shastri v/s the aussie 12th man shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single&this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease i'll break your f***ing head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th
man"

Not sure who the batsman was, but he was calling Merv Hughes a fat bus driver.

Merv bowled him out and ran down the pitch yelling "Tickets please!!"

Thedoctor..

That was Javed Miandad calling Merv a fat bus driver..

Gold!

The old "you couldnt score in a brothel" line always cracks me up.