Funny What's Hot/What's Not is back son!

I'm back you mofos

What's Hot

• Congratulations to the Sturt women's team on their championship. Also big thumbs down to the haters who are getting stuck on her "home-grown players" part of Monique Bowley's speech. I don't think that is as controversial as the rest of her speech which people don't find as offensive. Her contention that the other ABL teams are "non-homegrown" genetic mutations made with the stem cells of lesser Sturt players got me really angry. I also thought the end of the speech where she got everyone in the stadium to give a show of hands count of who they thought was the hottest Bowley sister was also inappropriate.
  
• Now accepting donations for the "Buy Todd Gower a haircut" fund.
  
• I told Isaac six months ago I'm not doing another Hot/Not list until Matthew Nielsen shows up at a Central ABL match. I thought I was pretty safe.
  
• Give props to Paul "The king of Adelaide" Prior and his legion of peasants who helped put on an brilliant Under 18 nationals tournament. I did however think his closing ceremony speech where he just screamed into the microphone "I'm the King! I'm the King!" until he was red in the face and started foaming at the mouth was inappropriate but the guy has achieved more than me in life so who am I to judge.
  
• These new shiny gold 36er membership cards.
  
• Doug MacDonald-Taylor for hitting 2 threes in the grand final, which is exactly two more than Marcus Ng .
  
• Matt Sutton for his 16 point, 7 rebounds, 3 assists on 6/14 shooting in the Grand Final. Who would ever think he would have a season as good as the one he has this year, with no one around to dislocate his shoulders?
  
• I'm not really sure if this is Hot or Not, but evidently some married men think Nick Hambour has the best shoulders they have ever seen.
  
• "Renz" and the North Adelaide supporters. I believe Erik Burdon has made the 36ers squad. Take that haters.
  
• I'd like to believe Oscar does this pose every time he walks past a mirror.
  
• Hannah Bowley, the real grand final MVP. Not to take away from Marino who scored, but she wasn't even in the HSA top five for the game.
  
• Starburys, aren't they $15 ? Apparently Mark Davis sold Club 33 for above market value to buy a pair.
  
• South Adelaide ABL players showing to the reserve grand final, while only 3 Sturt players showed.
  
• Scientists have recently announced plans to grow Adam Benson a new game from DNA taken from his tooth
  
• This just in: Oscar Forman adopts himself into the Bowley family and requests a new Hottest Bowley thread.
  
• Iverson recently has been sued for millions of dollars for hiring over aggressive bouncers at a nightclub appearance. In a statement today, Iverson has announced to avoid further situations by only going to Club 33, where even the bouncers are guaranteed to not show up.
  

• Marcus Ng making the development squad for the 36ers. Come on now, do I even have to say it? The dude averaged 2.4ppg in 8.5mpg. Isn't there any other young ABL prospects willing to be training body at 36ers scrimmages, I mean practices. We all know what happened, Smyth received a call from a Adelaide businessman, who wanted to meet Smyth on a park bench and hand him a brown envelope after the code-word conversation was completed, that being Businessman: "Your daughter is very good looking!" Smyth:"That's not my daughter, that's my life partner!" The businessman then handed Smyth the envelope, told him not to look into it just now, but hold on to it, and open it when he is thinking of who he will select to make the development squad.
  
• Just a question, if in 2004 Dusty, Oscar and Jacob had left and Ingles had been insulted by CEO bungle, would Nagy would have done a 2 page spread with a chronology of errors of Sanders and call for his immediate sacking?
  
• The pathetic members of this very forum who have whined endlessly about having nothing to do because I haven't wrote a list for 12 months. Don't you people have a brain and imagination of your own? Are your lives so boring that you need the incoherent ranting of someone who you suspect will one day snap and do something totally crazy like drink Adelaide tap-water to brighten up your lives? What's worse is the measures you people have gone to trying to "entice" me to write a list. Bricks thru windows, Cat's decapitated head in my garden, and worse of all, putting Isaac's Ferrari 2004 575M Maranello F1 worth $265,000 on bricks outside his Norwood office.
  
• Also to go with the above point I would like to mention it's amazing how people's attitudes towards myself changed as they don't find me useful now I'm not doing Hot/Not lists. Last time I went to the strip-club and tried to use Jason Baylis' name to get a lap-dance the stripper told me to "get f****d, Baylis told you never to come back again". When I saw EC at the basketball the other day instead of giving me a free bottle of Johnny Walker she smashed me over the head with a bottle and told me to "get back useless scum!" Worse of all, Isaac didn't swerve for me like he usually does when he does his usual morning "carmaggedon" drive along the footpath of Norwood parade routine. He says the blood doesn't show on his new red Ferrari 2004 575M Maranello F1 worth $265,000.
  
• Brenton Campbell and Cafe Mondiali for having the waitress poison Oscar and Isaac's food while sitting a table away on the Friday before the grand final
  
• Brian Goorjian will be in Adelaide soon to host some free basketball clinics. Included in the course will be "how to select your mates ahead of more qualified individuals and not feel guilty" and "how to forget you have a time-out to use as every basketball fan in the country will have to convince non bball fans that Australia doesn't suck as bad as the results seem to indicate." At least BG only chocked away the Greece game, and didn't choke an 18 year old.
  
• Why, when a chick finally hits on you, it's a freak who says "God I hope you're versatile, because I want to f*** the hell out of you!"
  
• It's disturbing how many NBL Hall of Fame voters have their shoulders in plaster this year.
  
• Apparently the Forestville men's team no longer has any Dix.
  
• People who give you a birthday invite after the RSVP. Quite clearly this marks you out as "Plan B" whereby the more popular, better looking people decided not to come in numbers, and the birthday boy/girl/hermaphrodite has to invite some people guaranteed so as not to look unpopular themselves. Hence they invite the biggest loser they know, the person guaranteed to have no friends and nothing better to do on a Saturday night, hoping that the person has enough social skills to not look like a freak, but also lacks enough to not start conversations with strangers who will soon hate the birthday person for inviting the loser. On that note, John Lawrence I have a birthday invite for you.
  
• Bodysuits - I take a very firm line on this issue. It gets me all worked up. Every time I see a female player in a bodysuit, I burn up inside and think "That's enough, those bodysuits have got to come off immediately.
  
• Let's be thankful that the 36ers are now not being sponsored by Champion anymore, so that Champion can go back to it's exclusive role of being the official clothing brand of choice for stars on Adelaide's crime-stoppers. People who wear champion clothing generally have just robbed a video-store, or on their way to robbing a video-store. Just while we are on the subject of crime-stoppers, I like to give a big hello to all my cousins.
  
• Apparently the North Adelaide woman's team is getting frustrated with Mike Mckay's scouting reports. McKay's summarizes every player's strengths as "playing within the rules" and their weakness as "broken bones" and demands that the North women dislocate their opponents shoulder in order to win each week.
  
• Mike Daws is nervous now that Paul Arnott refers to Daws as "Lenin" and walks around the office in military uniform.
  
• Giveaway: To a good home, #25 36ers 2005/06 Singlet. Barely used.

• Simon Kent! No I mean, seriously can anyone find the weak Simon Kent? What happened to the dude?

• HQ nightclub. Not only did they not allow me in at first for having a pair of Dunlop volleys on, (yes putting on a pair of Dunlop Volleys is "dressing up" for me) but the experience inside wasn't much better. People take note, not every skinny tall pale white guy wearing a tracksuit and drinking water is a drug dealer. So junkies take note, I don't know your "Aunt Hazel" and didn't pick up your "China Cat" from the pet store who was talking to the "White Dragon". I will not help you with your "Elephant flipping" using "Wet Sticks" while your "Salisbury home boy" is by the bar. Maybe I just like being sober and maybe I'm hanging out in the corner because being the only sober person in the joint I realize how ugly everyone in there is!

• Pour a little liquor for your homies who are retiring this season:
• Kylie Dix
• Jason Dix
• The Nick Slambour fan-club (at least for this year, we'll be back biatches).

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