I haven't been on here in a while so I came back to read some more.
To Pinch, I am a coach, whenever I go away to Melbourne for the aus day carnival or the nunawadding carnival. I find the umpires are more willing to communicate than SA umpires.
On many occasions, in Victoria, I have had umpires come to me PRE GAME and say "Hey I'm ABC ill be your ref, just introducing myself, if you have any issues no need to go crazy, tell me you want to talk and next dead ball I will talk"
I follow through, and always end up with pleasant conversations with refs, hard to be mad when they are willing to talk to you about what is happening and what they saw. You can disagree all you want as a coach but with these approaches by the refs in the way above, you really lose a lot of the "anger power".
on the other hand, I recently coached a game down south, umpire on our game was very experienced, have had him many times before. during the game, I thought a call was missed, I tried to say to him "Hey next dead ball can we talk about it" (thinking if I approach it the way the umpires in other states do I might get a more positive outcome/discussion) he immediately gave me a tech warning for abuse. I didn't yell, didn't step on court, I waited until he was in line with me to approach the conversation.
If I am a jnr ref, I see a snr ref act this way, I'm going to do the same. This puts pressure on the ref/coach relationship, parents see this and think "Hey they are out to get us" which then puts pressure on the ref/spectator relationship.
Refs need to be reminded that they can work WITH coaches to improve the quality of the game and quality of outcomes... now of course we are always going to have idiots, it's in every walk of life. Let's teach these umpires how to have constructive conversations with coaches... even more, let's teach umpires to be proactive in disarming coaches by approaching and saying what the above umpires in other states do.
For the idiots, and spectators who are abusive, yea let's dictate that behaviour out the door. If spectators see a good umpire/player, umpire/coach relationship I bet money that abuse will drop.
I WOULD LOVE to host some form of event for coaches and umpires, to meet each other as HUMANS first and then teach open communication in "stressful" environments.
Lets start with Payrises first, then lets teach how to handle idiot coaches and spectators.