Jack Toft
Years ago
R17 ABL Action
Ah, The Olympics. Not a sport as such but several peculiar sports grouped together, just like a group of peculiar countries forms the EU. Each host country likes to introduce a new sport. The English have scoured their pubs, but could only find darts and plate licking, but were knocked back.
West-Norwood @ Port
Women: Playing Norwood is a bit being a contestant on a Japanese game show. You just sorta know something bad is going to happen to you. Simon even promises to bring the Ninja scorpians and the Wusabi, that's the kinda thoughtful person he is.
Men: Norwood have snagged 5th and Brad would be happier than Bear Grylls with a dead carcass ... . along comes a spider called West. Probably doesn’t matter who drops this one, they’ll meet again in finals, but Norwood are the Steven Bradbury of the competition, so I am going to tip an upset at the Port.
South-Sturt@ Marion
Women: Despite what it looks like, South would be looking half a chance tonight so Sturt better watch out. Sturt should squeeze past the Panthers in the last 10 m to take the gold, gold, gold !
Men: There’s probably no way to sugar coat this for South. Just bring plenty of lube then grin and bear it. The pain of this season will be over soon enough. It's a bit like clay pigeon shooting with Sturt holding the shotgun.
Woodville-Mavs @ St Clair
Women: Only a miracle will prevent the Mavs from not playing finals. They just need to finish on equal wins with the Tigeresses. It only seems like yesterday that Woodville could beat the Mavs … that was when a few Greek blokes were tossing a discus about, running naked and wrestling with each other in the sand while a crowd watched ... no, wait a minute that was my last Contiki tour. Mavs will secure a finals spot after tonight.
Men: Will the wheels completely fall off for Woodville? or can they keep going just a bit longer. This might not be a pretty game, but just like the Jerry Springer show with a couple of transexual lovers from Alabama on as guests fighting over a trailer trash druggie, you know you can’t look away. Mavs have picked up by 8 ppg in the second half, Woodies have dropped 13 ppg. Mavs by 10! The only gold Woodies will see is Al’s tooth.
Lions - Rockets @ Starplex
Women: MOTR. Both teams need to stamp their authority on proceedings before finals. Lionesses have eased in the second half, whereas Norf have gotten stronger. Norf will take this one easily and be as popular with the locals as Hugh Sheridan is at the jetty in Port A Gutta.
Men: This might be a dead rubber, but Lions play their best 'ball at home. They score 14 more ppg at home and Norf score 6 points less on the road. That should warm the cockles of Scotty Whitmore’s heart as he searches for his 7th gold. An upset becans. It would be bigger than when the Olympic French pastry baking team's entry was beaten by the Scottish deep fried mars bar served with a side order of haggis.
Eagles – Tigers @ Wayville
Women: The apple crunchers are set to ambush the Tigers, whose finals season seems to have evaporated like the Olympic dreams of the New Zealand basketballers. Forestville and wins just seem to go together like a Kernewek Lowender and a bottle of swanky. Rydhsys rag Kernow lemmyn. Surely Forestville would rather play the girls one more time in finals?
Men: Eagles would be going into this one pretty confident. Wouldn’t the place go mental if the Tigers got a win. Could they make it out the carpark? No upset tonight as this is like Japan playing USA in Olympic basketball. The Brad’s to get gold tonight.