FROM DAVID LETTERMAN:
"It's so hot, the terror alert level was raised to 'sweaty'"
"It's so hot, a disoriented Bill Clinton has been hitting on Hillary"
"It's so hot that I saw two trees fighting over a dog."
"It's so hot, today I saw a chicken lay a fried egg."
"It was so hot today I saw a funeral procession pull into a Wendy's."
"It was so hot today I saw an Amish guy buying an air conditioner."
"It's so hot that I have discovered that asphalt has a liquid state."
"It's so hot that I have found out (the hard way) that my seat belt buckle could be used as a branding iron."